These posts are going to be quite different from the former, as I am no longer in the throes of tenth grade English, but am now teaching in a third grade classroom. While quite a departure from what I've been used to the last three years, there have already been some equally-as-funny moments.
Third graders were asked to fill out an "All About Me" questionnairre today. Here are some of their answers:
One word that describes me well is goofy because I say about 3000 werds a day.
One word that describes me well is crazy because I tikl my sisters.
One word that describes me well is fragile because I could break a glass plate.
When I grow up, I would like to be a helacopter nurse because that would be cool.
When I grow up, I would like to be a nurse because I like to take shots.
When I grow up, I would like to donate blod.
One thing I would like to tell my teacher is I'm a spy.
One thing I would like to tell my teacher is teddy bear.
One thing I would like to tell my teacher is I do not like my brother.
One question I'd like to ask my teacher is you are good at dancing.
One question I'd like to ask my teacher is were did you come from?
One question I'd like to ask my teacher is why do you sing so much?
One question I'd like to ask my teacher is do you know what 21 x 21 is?
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Is It Graduation Time Yet?
We were reading A Midsummer Night's Dream and there's a character named Puck in the play. E said "Puck put poisonous potion on people's pupils. Hey! That's alliteration! Instead of 'Busta Rhymes' I'm 'Busta Alliteration.'"
"My mom said you look like a nice teacher. I told her that she should catch you on a bad day. You get so mad that you eat people's faces off." - A
One of my favorite students is a notorious trouble-maker at our school. E is known for ditching, theft, drugs, defiance, etc. He was in my class this morning and I said, "E, what are you going to do with your life after you graduate?" He said, "Become a minister."
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Bugs, Diseases, and Corn Dogs
We've been having a ton of cockroaches in our classrooms and rats outside in the planters. Here are a few gems the students have given me regarding these rodents:
"You guys aren't providing a very safe place for us to get an education. We're going to get diseases like hepatitis and scoliosis." - N
A boy reached down and picked up a live cockroach.
Me: "Eeeww...don't pick that up! Don't you know how many diseases and things cockroaches carry?!?"
J: "Like...20?"
Other miscellaneous quotes:
"You're moving to Wisconsin? Do you realize what this news is doing to my heart? What if I ask you to marry me, then will you stay?" - D
"I cannot wait to go home and eat corn dogs!" - A
Walking up to a student who was playing with her camera during class: Me - "What are you doing? I certainly hope you're not messing with something." T - "I'll tell you what - I'm definitely NOT playing with my camera."
"You guys aren't providing a very safe place for us to get an education. We're going to get diseases like hepatitis and scoliosis." - N
A boy reached down and picked up a live cockroach.
Me: "Eeeww...don't pick that up! Don't you know how many diseases and things cockroaches carry?!?"
J: "Like...20?"
Other miscellaneous quotes:
"You're moving to Wisconsin? Do you realize what this news is doing to my heart? What if I ask you to marry me, then will you stay?" - D
"I cannot wait to go home and eat corn dogs!" - A
Walking up to a student who was playing with her camera during class: Me - "What are you doing? I certainly hope you're not messing with something." T - "I'll tell you what - I'm definitely NOT playing with my camera."
Friday, April 22, 2011
The Countdown Begins...
until the end of the school year. I'm looking forward to being done with some of the stressors of work, but am so not looking forward to leaving the students and staff I have grown to love. Some of the funny tidbits the students have given me recently:
J - "I have a spider bite on my thigh."
A - "You should probably go to the nurse and have it looked at."
J - "She's going to make me drop my pants!"
Me - "The nurse is not going to make you drop your pants. And I never thought I would have to say those words out loud in a classroom!"
A - "You're moving to Wisconsin? It's so you can get away from us Mexicans, isn't it?"
K - "Oooh! You're moving to Wisconsin? This means we can start dating because I'm going to be 18 soon!"
B - "Ms. Black. I'm having issues with my girlfriend. I keep trying to work things out, but she won't talk to me."
Me - "Just back off for a little while and give her some space to figure out what she needs to do. You just hang out with your friends and lay low for a while."
B - "Wow! You'd be such a good girlfriend."
K - "You know how you feel like you're having a heart attack and then you just realize you need to fart? That's when farting feels really good."
Me - "If I were to look at your old iPod, would I just find a bunch of tagging all over it?"
B - "If you were to look at my old iPod, the only thing you would find on it is a bunch of Elton John."
J - "I have a spider bite on my thigh."
A - "You should probably go to the nurse and have it looked at."
J - "She's going to make me drop my pants!"
Me - "The nurse is not going to make you drop your pants. And I never thought I would have to say those words out loud in a classroom!"
A - "You're moving to Wisconsin? It's so you can get away from us Mexicans, isn't it?"
K - "Oooh! You're moving to Wisconsin? This means we can start dating because I'm going to be 18 soon!"
B - "Ms. Black. I'm having issues with my girlfriend. I keep trying to work things out, but she won't talk to me."
Me - "Just back off for a little while and give her some space to figure out what she needs to do. You just hang out with your friends and lay low for a while."
B - "Wow! You'd be such a good girlfriend."
K - "You know how you feel like you're having a heart attack and then you just realize you need to fart? That's when farting feels really good."
Me - "If I were to look at your old iPod, would I just find a bunch of tagging all over it?"
B - "If you were to look at my old iPod, the only thing you would find on it is a bunch of Elton John."
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Spring Fever
These students must have Spring fever because they are definitely saying some crazy things!
- "I don't know the U.S. states. The only ones I know are California and Mexico." - A
- "Your sisters live in Wisconsin? Is Wisconsin amish?" - G
- "Oh man, mosh pits can get so bad. Like, people beat each other up and break their arms and stuff." - K
"But are they at least friendly when they do it?" - G
- "Will you come see me after I graduate, when I'm in jail?" - J
- "I'm growing my hair out. I'm seriously thinking about doing a comb-over." - B
- Students had to create a book for a project using construction paper. D made his book, but, after filling in his pages, he realized he had stapled one extra page in the book. To fill it, he simply wrote, "My" on one side and "Bad" on the other.
- "I don't know the U.S. states. The only ones I know are California and Mexico." - A
- "Your sisters live in Wisconsin? Is Wisconsin amish?" - G
- "Oh man, mosh pits can get so bad. Like, people beat each other up and break their arms and stuff." - K
"But are they at least friendly when they do it?" - G
- "Will you come see me after I graduate, when I'm in jail?" - J
- "I'm growing my hair out. I'm seriously thinking about doing a comb-over." - B
- Students had to create a book for a project using construction paper. D made his book, but, after filling in his pages, he realized he had stapled one extra page in the book. To fill it, he simply wrote, "My" on one side and "Bad" on the other.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Top Ten...
TV Series that I own (or wished I owned) on DVD:
1. Gilmore Girls
2. The Office
3. Modern Family
4. Flight of the Conchords
5. Friends
6. The Facts of Life
7. Beverly Hills, 90210
8. The Honeymooners
9. Saturday Night Live
10.Wizards of Waverly Place
1. Gilmore Girls
2. The Office
3. Modern Family
4. Flight of the Conchords
5. Friends
6. The Facts of Life
7. Beverly Hills, 90210
8. The Honeymooners
9. Saturday Night Live
10.Wizards of Waverly Place
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Where do they come up with this stuff?
L says, "My girlfriend is hairy like Chewbacca."
When J said something rude, K turns around to him and says, "Dude, does your brain have a funnel?" After the class stopped laughing, they corrected him: "Don't you mean filter?"
In the middle of taking notes about thesis statements, W says, "Did you know I have $600 worth of Transformers?" First of all, does he realize that Transformers have nothing to do with thesis statements? Second of all, does he know how cool he just made himself sound?!?
While I'm giving a lecture on Dante, B stops and makes a needless comment (for the thousandth time), so I say, "B, keep writing!" (for the thousandth time) B then says, "I thought it was a free country, but apparently not." And continues to write.
I was quizzing kids for an upcoming test and throwing out candy to those students who got an answer right. One of my girls who takes insulin shots frequently throughout the school day kept getting the answers right and the candy pile on her desk kept growing. Finally she says to her classmates, "Sure, guys. Let the diabetic get all the candy. Thanks a lot." - M
When J said something rude, K turns around to him and says, "Dude, does your brain have a funnel?" After the class stopped laughing, they corrected him: "Don't you mean filter?"
In the middle of taking notes about thesis statements, W says, "Did you know I have $600 worth of Transformers?" First of all, does he realize that Transformers have nothing to do with thesis statements? Second of all, does he know how cool he just made himself sound?!?
While I'm giving a lecture on Dante, B stops and makes a needless comment (for the thousandth time), so I say, "B, keep writing!" (for the thousandth time) B then says, "I thought it was a free country, but apparently not." And continues to write.
I was quizzing kids for an upcoming test and throwing out candy to those students who got an answer right. One of my girls who takes insulin shots frequently throughout the school day kept getting the answers right and the candy pile on her desk kept growing. Finally she says to her classmates, "Sure, guys. Let the diabetic get all the candy. Thanks a lot." - M
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Happy March
The newest funny things the good ol' high school students have said:
-"My girlfriend cheated on my three times with two Mexicans and a black guy." -L The only black guy in the room says, "Don't look at me!"
- When trying to get a piece of cake at lunch, D says to Ms. H, "Can I have a piece of cake? By the way, the color of your sweater really makes your eyes bounce." (I think he meant to say, "makes your eyes dance.")
- One of the boys on the swim team said, "I'm wearing my Speedos under my pants and every time I walk uphill, they go up my butt! It doesn't feel very good." -D
- Another boy asked me, "Ms. Black, who do you think is the ugliest guy in this whole class?" - E. Of course I told him he was. :)
-"My girlfriend cheated on my three times with two Mexicans and a black guy." -L The only black guy in the room says, "Don't look at me!"
- When trying to get a piece of cake at lunch, D says to Ms. H, "Can I have a piece of cake? By the way, the color of your sweater really makes your eyes bounce." (I think he meant to say, "makes your eyes dance.")
- One of the boys on the swim team said, "I'm wearing my Speedos under my pants and every time I walk uphill, they go up my butt! It doesn't feel very good." -D
- Another boy asked me, "Ms. Black, who do you think is the ugliest guy in this whole class?" - E. Of course I told him he was. :)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Top Ten...
Movies to sing along to (in no particular order):
1. Newsies
2. Grease
3. The Lion King
4. Sister Act 2
5. Annie
6. The Little Mermaid
7. Rent
8. This is Spinal Tap
9. Aladdin
10. Cry Baby
1. Newsies
2. Grease
3. The Lion King
4. Sister Act 2
5. Annie
6. The Little Mermaid
7. Rent
8. This is Spinal Tap
9. Aladdin
10. Cry Baby
Sunday, February 13, 2011
So Many Good Ones
- To my aide: "Ms. W, you look really good today. You look like one-hundred dollars."
-When putting on Carmex, W wasn't using his fingers, but was putting the little pot of it directly to his lips. When I inquired as to why he wasn't using his fingers to apply it, he answered "Eeeww...I don't know where my fingers have been!"
-"You know, when women get older they go through menopause. And then everything just drops. You can no longer tell if they're a man or woman." - M
-On their quiz this week, students were given the Greek root "phil" and had to identify its meaning and use it in an English word. The answer I was looking for was "Meaning: love; English word: philosophy." B wrote on his quiz: "Meaning: Phil; English word: Collins."
-After I cracked my knuckles, D said, "So you like arthritis, do you?"
-When putting on Carmex, W wasn't using his fingers, but was putting the little pot of it directly to his lips. When I inquired as to why he wasn't using his fingers to apply it, he answered "Eeeww...I don't know where my fingers have been!"
-"You know, when women get older they go through menopause. And then everything just drops. You can no longer tell if they're a man or woman." - M
-On their quiz this week, students were given the Greek root "phil" and had to identify its meaning and use it in an English word. The answer I was looking for was "Meaning: love; English word: philosophy." B wrote on his quiz: "Meaning: Phil; English word: Collins."
-After I cracked my knuckles, D said, "So you like arthritis, do you?"
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Live From The Classroom
I'm sitting here in my classroom during lunch and have some fresh lines from high schoolers:
- "I wrote you a heart-wrenching email. You need to read it so it will make you cry." - J
- "Do you like spicy foods? No? Then you wouldn't like me." - W
- K: "Ms. Black? Can you come here?"
Me: "No, but you can come here."
K: "No, I can't because I have a hole in my butt." (Referring to the hole in her jeans).
- "All of you were probably born in hospitals. But me? I was born in a red house. A home birth! That's why I turned out the way I did." - A (And this is not a good thing).
- Because A (a male student) insulted T (also a male student), I told A to say two nice things about T in front of the whole class. His response: "T, I like your hat...and...your freckles are cute!"
- E: "S, how much did you run in that race?"
S: "13 miles."
E: "Wow. That would be impressive, but 13 miles is my warm up."
- "I wrote you a heart-wrenching email. You need to read it so it will make you cry." - J
- "Do you like spicy foods? No? Then you wouldn't like me." - W
- K: "Ms. Black? Can you come here?"
Me: "No, but you can come here."
K: "No, I can't because I have a hole in my butt." (Referring to the hole in her jeans).
- "All of you were probably born in hospitals. But me? I was born in a red house. A home birth! That's why I turned out the way I did." - A (And this is not a good thing).
- Because A (a male student) insulted T (also a male student), I told A to say two nice things about T in front of the whole class. His response: "T, I like your hat...and...your freckles are cute!"
- E: "S, how much did you run in that race?"
S: "13 miles."
E: "Wow. That would be impressive, but 13 miles is my warm up."
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Top Ten...
Songs that are currently describing my life:
1. "Lead Me to the Cross" - Hillsong
2. "Grenade" - Bruno Mars
3. "Leave the Pieces" - The Wreckers
4. "Closer" - Shawn McDonald
5. "Impossible" - Shontelle
6. "Walk on the Water" - Britt Nicole
7. "Dig" - Incubus
8. "Say Hey (I Love You) - Michael Franti
9. The theme song from Doogie Howser, M.D.
10. "I Believe in Love" - Barlow Girl
1. "Lead Me to the Cross" - Hillsong
2. "Grenade" - Bruno Mars
3. "Leave the Pieces" - The Wreckers
4. "Closer" - Shawn McDonald
5. "Impossible" - Shontelle
6. "Walk on the Water" - Britt Nicole
7. "Dig" - Incubus
8. "Say Hey (I Love You) - Michael Franti
9. The theme song from Doogie Howser, M.D.
10. "I Believe in Love" - Barlow Girl
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Long Overdue
I'm sure all four of my readers have been anxiously awaiting my next post. Sorry it's been so long. Here are some fresh lines from my darling students:
"Did you know Katy Perry eats Taco Bell? I didn't. I was surprised. I thought all she did was eat Jenny Craig and use ProActiv." - C
"Who made up this dumb English language anyway?" - K; "I think it was the French." - G
"Ms. Black, are you gonna watch me work out today? When I work on my abs, I look like "The Situation." - W
"You should try out for American Idol" - G referring to the one of many times I sing for my class.
"Today is horrible! I haven't seen my boyfriend in TWO DAYS!!! I hate this." - G
That's it for now. Bye.
"Did you know Katy Perry eats Taco Bell? I didn't. I was surprised. I thought all she did was eat Jenny Craig and use ProActiv." - C
"Who made up this dumb English language anyway?" - K; "I think it was the French." - G
"Ms. Black, are you gonna watch me work out today? When I work on my abs, I look like "The Situation." - W
"You should try out for American Idol" - G referring to the one of many times I sing for my class.
"Today is horrible! I haven't seen my boyfriend in TWO DAYS!!! I hate this." - G
That's it for now. Bye.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)